In the particular example you gave: The derivative is defined as $\lim_{h\to 0} \frac{f(x+h) - f(x)}{h}$ and, as it is with limits, this limit may or may not exist. In the case $f(x) = |x|$ and $x=0$ the limit just does not exist and hence, this is the right wording. On the other hand there are possible definitions of a derivative of $f(x) = |x|$ at zero (e.g. using convex analysis one may define it to be the whole interval $[-1,1]$) and hence, it seems appropriate to say that the derivative is undefined.
In general "does not exists" and "is undefined" are very different things at a practical level. The former says that there is a definition for something which does not lead to a mathematical object in a specific case. The latter says that there is just no definition for a specific case. Of course, one can interchange both formulation some times (as in you example, at least in my opinion).