My heart goes out to you.
I can tell you that I never had anyone to teach me calculus. I had to study it on my own. So from this perspective I can say that at first it was hieroglyphics to me and confusing symbols. In order to understand in a textbook how an equation got from a to b, I had to simply stare at it until I realized what happened. My approach was to read all texts I could find in all nearby libraries, watch relevant youtube explanations, always try to test the concepts given on your own every step of the way and most importantly, NEVER GIVE UP! You can lean it, despite dyscalculia. You just have to keep trying. List a set of relationships you learn to reference it later. This might help when trying to figure out what approach to use in solving something. You can usually be sure your answer is correct by testing it or simply go over your result with someone who understands the material. As far as being intuitive, calculus at first is as intuitive as dropping a rock and seeing it fall upward. But, there are some graphical interpretations of the derivative and the integral that might help with understanding. If you see what is happening on the graph, it may help you understand the concept better. I wish the best of luck to you and I have faith that you will succeed and overcome.