Location: New York CUNY (as education systems might be different in other places)
I started my life studying philosophy and psychology and then at 22 transitions to computer science. It took me a long time to understand the importance of mathematics.
I was placed in calculus1 and while it was hard to remember math I managed to pull a B+.
However there is a recurrent problem I have with math classes I am taking, namely too many topics to really understand everything.
In calculus2 and probability and statistics we covered so many topics that I felt that any attempt to understand the material would only hurt me on the test. Constant new topics without any chance to play around and really grasp the material. Moreover textbooks rarely focus on the WHY of things, nor do professors have the time to explain due to computational emphasized department finals and curriculum requirements. I feel like every class has artificially inflated amount of material and it becomes especially obvious when teachers end up rushing up to two topics a class at the end of the semester.
For example we went over possion distribution and later waiting-time possion distribution and besides showing us how to do the problems 0 emphasis was put on why it works and where it came from. I am VERY frustrated with this frenzy of meaningless formulas.
I lately feel that perhaps I am an idiot or something but I just don't see any of the textbooks explain things properly. When they do attempt at explanation it is just a soup of symbols without any intuition. It is like they just copy pasted proofs to make it seem rigorous. The emperor is naked.
Is it my laziness or stupidity or a known problem in education curriculum in early undergraduate math classes? It is killing my recently gained joy for math and lowering my self esteem.
Perhaps people can advice on some math books that would fill the gaps and actually explain things.